Late Night Jokes
Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week – Jan. 16th
Politics Jokes - Late Night Humor
Source: US Bulletin
Jay Leno: “Well, I love…this. The underwear bomber pleaded not guilty in court today. He had a bomb in his underpants, okay! ‘What is your defense?’ ‘I didn’t know there was a bomb in my underpants.’ Oh, ‘I was framed by the Fruit of the Loom guys.’ What are you doing? How could you plead not — there was a bomb in your underpants. So stupid!”
Conan O’Brien: “Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid is under fire for discussing whether or not President Obama has a ‘negro dialect.’ … Reid is also in trouble for saying Joe Lieberman ‘talks all Moses-y.’”
Craig Ferguson: “It’s a great day for Sarah Palin. She was hired as a commentator for Fox News. She signed a multi-year contract, which means she’ll probably quit after a year.”
David Letterman: “Sarah Palin is joining Fox News. … The new slogan is ‘hair and unbalanced.’”
Conan O’Brien: According to a new TV Guide poll, “83 percent of voters -want me to stay at 11:35. … When he heard this poll number, President Obama asked, ‘How can I get NBC to screw me over?’”
David Letterman: “I thought this was nice: President Obama invited Jay and Conan to the White House for a beer.”
Jimmy Fallon: “President Obama announced a plan to recover federal bailout money from banks. I guess that explains why Biden was seen yesterday buying a gun and a ski mask.”
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Political Cartoons – Late Night Team Conan vs Team Leno
The great Late Night battle as told by political cartoonists.
Update: Agreement Is Expected in NBC’s Talks With O’Brien
Mr. O’Brien, who had a guaranteed contract for another two and a half years at a salary that has been reported to be $10 million to $20 million a year, is expected to get a settlement that will pay him more than $30 million. In addition, under the terms now on the table, he would win the right to start a new show at some other network, probably as early as September.
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Team Conan – The battle continues between The Tonight Show host Conan O’Brien and Jay Leno’s mediocrity
Fans are rallying behind their Late Night Hero on sites like Twitter to show their support. The media buzz is likely to complicate the scenario further as ratings are likely to spike as fans are joining together to show their support.
The response has been overwhelming, with the news topping Twitter’s trending topics, and users quickly voicing their support with “Team Conan” and #teamconan tweets.
Links: Conan Wins the Hearts and Minds of the Internet
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Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week – Jan. 9th
Politics Jokes - Late Night Humor
Source: US Bulletin
Jay Leno: “Good to see everybody. You know, it is good to be back. We were off for Christmas and apparently so was the Department of Homeland Security.”
Conan O’Brien: “A new poll asked Americans who their ideal next-door neighbor would be. The number one answer was the Obama family…mainly because the Obamas are the kind of neighbors who would lend you a cup of sugar or a trillion dollars.”
Jay Leno: “Sen. Chris Dodd unveiled his plan to reduce corruption in the Senate. He’s retiring.”
Conan O’Brien: “President Obama honored more than 80 teachers for excellence in math and science. … Then he begged them to leave China and come teach here in the United States.”
Jon Stewart: “I know that the Yemen thing complicates the war on terror, but on the plus side, getting attacked is really the only way we Americans learn about world geography.”
Conan O’Brien: “If he’s convicted, the underwear bomber could be sentenced to life in federal prison. … But even worse, for the rest of his life, he’ll be known as the underwear bomber.”
Conan O’Brien: “Yesterday, a naked jogger was stopped near the White House. … Secret Service grabbed the man and immediately allowed him to attend a state dinner.”
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Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week – Dec. 26th
Politics Jokes - Late Night Humor
Source: US Bulletin
Jay Leno: “In Washington, it looks like the Senate is almost done with the health care bill, otherwise known as the Joe Lieberman Insurance Company Preservation Act. That’s what it’s called now.”
Jay Leno: “Speaking of Copenhagen on Friday, President Obama said ‘the time for talk is over.’ and then he went on to give a speech.”
Jimmy Fallon: “The Senate’s health care bill is expected to pass on Christmas Eve. Yeah. Because, really, what’s more American than waiting until Christmas Eve to finally wrap something up?
Jimmy Fallon: “Later president Obama told the kid he’s wanted them to hit the books and do their math. For example, if the US owes China $2 trillion but the US only has 20 bucks how screwed is the US? Show your work.”
Jay Leno: “Well, it does look like the Democrats have their 60 votes for healthcare. Harry Reid said this bill will save us hundreds of millions of dollars. Well, it would have, except for the hundreds of millions of dollars we had to pay to buy the 60 votes, but other than that…”
Conan O’Brien: “Did you hear about this? This was crazy. Yesterday, President Obama prank called a Washington radio station. He prank called the radio station, calling himself Barry from D.C. That’s a true story, yeah. Then just to mess him, Obama called Glenn Beck’s radio show as B. Hussein from Kenya.”
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Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week – Dec. 19th
Politics Jokes - Late Night Humor
Source: US Bulletin
Jimmy Fallon: “Hey, last night I watched Oprah’s White House Christmas special. President Obama told Oprah he deserves a ’solid B-plus’ for his first year in office. That’s a big improvement from our last president, who for the last eight years received a ‘WTF.’
Stephen Colbert: “Yesterday, the Dems officially dropped from the Senate healthcare bill both the public option and an alternate plan for 55 to 65 year olds to buy into Medicare. At this point, the only reform left in the bill is government-mandated post-appointment lollipops.”
Conan O’Brien: “President Obama says that Congress is very close to getting a new healthcare plan, but due to compromises, it ‘won’t include everything that everybody wants.’ … For instance, it covers everything except trips to the doctor or the hospital.”
Jimmy Fallon: “And this is good. Democratic leaders are hoping to pass healthcare reform before Christmas. And really, what better Christmas present could Obama give the country than the gift of not having to talk about healthcare anymore?”
David Letterman: “Right about now, Santa Claus is making a list and checking it twice. Now why can’t the Secret Service do that?”
Jay Leno: “A Georgia couple showed up a day early for a tour at the White House — you know, just regular folks” — and “somehow wound up in an invitation only breakfast with President Obama and the First Lady. … The only two people that couldn’t get in the White House this year were John McCain and Sarah Palin.
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Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week – Dec. 12th
Conan O’Brien:
“According to a new poll that just came out, 44 percent of Americans…wish President Bush were back in office.”
However, “it’s only 20 percent if you exclude comedy writers.”
Conan O’Brien:
“It was a busy night…at the White House last night. … They had a big party. And during the evening, this is true, President Obama got up and danced with Santa Claus. … Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Obama dances with old man who makes kids sit on his
lap.’”
Jon Stewart:
“You remember when Barack Obama first got in office he had a very clear vision of how healthcare was to proceed. ‘I’m confident that both the House and the Senate are going to produce a bill before the August recess.’
Well, actually – this is good. I think you’re on schedule to hit that deadline. You’ve…got eight more months and they’ve already gotten a — oh, last, last August. Uh, that…will be tough to hit.”
Conan O’Brien:
“In Iowa, a large group of people waited outside a Sarah Palin book signing to urge her to run for president in 2012. … The large group of people was known as the Iowa Democratic Party.”
Jimmy Fallon:
“Congress was hard at work today trying to come up with a fair playoff system for college football. Congress was working on this. Meanwhile, the NCAA spent the afternoon kicking around ideas for how to win the war in Afghanistan.”
Jimmy Fallon:
“They were like, the real issue wasn’t health care, two wars and unemployment, it’s who gets to play in the Little Caesars Pizza Bowl.”
Craig Ferguson:
“The so-called public option died on the Senate floor today. It could have survived, but apparently it had a pre-existing condition.”
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Best Late Night Political Humor of the Week
Source: Bulletin News
Conan O’Brien: “President Obama hosted a jobs summit at the White House, and he met with the CEOs of Google, FedEx, and American Airlines. The CEO of Chrysler was late. He said, ‘Sorry, car trouble.’”
Jay Leno: “Did you hear about that uninvited couple who crashed the state dinner at the White House? Unbelievable. They even had their picture taken with Vice President Joe Biden, which is kind of radical because Biden was also an uninvited guest.”
Jimmy Kimmel: The January issue of Golf Digest “features a picture of Tiger Woods as President Obama’s caddie. The cover story is titled ‘10 Tips Obama Can Take From Tiger.’ Yeah, I don’t think Obama is going to be taking any tips from Tiger.”
Craig Ferguson: “The Secret Service is in a lot of hot water after what happened. … But I think give the Secret Service a break. ….. When the Secret Service heard there was a crazy couple in White House, they just assumed it was the Bidens.”
Conan O’Brien: “Of course…you’ve been hearing about them, the couple who crashed the White House state dinner. They were supposed to be on ‘Larry King Live’ tonight, but they canceled their appearance. … Apparently, they didn’t feel right showing up to a place where they were actually invited.”
Stephen Colbert: “Everybody’s talking about the party crashers at Obama’s state dinner. Amateur hour at the White House. I mean, who lets Joe Biden in? And all this just to get on ‘The Real Housewives of Delaware.’ Hope it was worth it, Joe.”
Stephen Colbert: “Of course, there was another disturbing program on last night: Barack Obama’s reality show, ‘So You Think You Can President?’”
Jon Stewart: “‘A hacker in England got hold of e-mails between leading scientists which skeptics say show a clear effort to raise fears about global warming and hide evidence against it.’ … Poor Al Gore. Global warming completely debunked via the very Internet you invented. Oh…the irony.”
Jimmy Kimmel: “After months of deliberation, our president, President Obama, tonight revealed his much anticipated plans for Afghanistan. Turns out he’s decided to pave it over and make a Wal-Mart out of it.”
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