Late Night Political Jokes of the Week – GWB Bridgegate, Cold Snap, Letterman Top 10

Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman

 

Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman

 

It was a slow week until the New Jersey bridgegate scandal broke.  Other than that, we had the Senate make some headway on what will likely be a doomed effort to extend emergency unemployment insurance which expired recently. The country also saw some very low temperatures and miserable weather this week — leading the media to harp about the Polar Vortex until you said ‘fuck it’ and turned the TV off.

 

Stephen Colbert: “Christie is a true conservative. He is committed to proving the core conservative value that government is the problem, even if he has to create those problems himself. I can already see his 2016 bumper sticker: ‘Christie. Bringing America Together Or I Will [bleep] You Over.’ Best of all, his team will make sure you have plenty of time to read those bumper stickers.”

Jay Leno: “It is so cold, most of the country has numbers lower than President Obama. That’s how cold it is.”

Jay Leno: “Republican Representative Trey Radel, remember him? He’s the guy who pleaded guilty to possessing and using cocaine last month. Well, he now says all members of Congress should be drug-tested. Oh, great. That’s just what we need. Another government shutdown. Great.”

Jay Leno: “Oh. And sources say that Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid plans to stay in the Senate another eight years. Or, he might be cremated. He can’t decide.”

David Letterman:Chris Christie was having a feud…with the mayor of Fort Lee, New Jersey. So, he closed down the George Washington Bridge. It was traffic snarled up for hundreds of miles. Day after day. I’m telling you, this guy, you can’t say power hungry without hungry, you know what I mean.”

Jimmy Fallon: “The White House is planning to air some ads for Obamacare during the Winter Olympics next month. It makes sense, if you think about it. Obamacare went downhill fast, left people cold, and then, somehow, it managed to skate by. That’s good marketing right there.”

 

David Letterman – Top Ten Highlights of The Chris Christie Press Conference

Thursday, January 9, 2014

10. Shocking revelation of corruption in New Jersey?

9. Blamed the whole thing on getting drunk with Dennis Rodman

8. More profanity than “The Wolf of Wall Street”

7. Claimed his heart was broken, but acknowledged it might be obesity-related

6. Said he wasn’t a bully, then put Chris Matthews in a headlock

5. Christie’s claim he had no idea a bridge connected New Jersey and New York

4. An appearance by the fake sign language guy

3. Boldly took responsibility by blaming everyone but himself

2. Announced plans to execute his uncle

1. Interrupted press conference to smoke crack

 

Stephen Colbert Tackles Chris Christie’s GWB Bridgegate Scandal:

 

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Jason Parker