Political Jokes About Supreme Court Obamacare Ruling, Romney, Nancy Pelosi

Late Night Political Humor and JokesLeno, Conan, and Letterman

 

Late Night Political Humor and Jokes

Leno, Conan, and Letterman

Jay Leno: “Well, tomorrow the Chicago police are sponsoring a gun buy-back program. Anyone who returns a gun, no questions asked, gets a $100 gift certificate in return. To which attorney General Eric Holder said, ‘Why didn’t I think about that?'”

Jimmy Fallon: “This week Mitt Romney had his most successful day of fundraising after he made $8 million dollars. Or as Romney calls that, ‘Cufflink money.'”

Jay Leno: “The Supreme Court struck down a large part of Arizona’s immigration law, finding it unconstitutional. Well, what it was, was the Arizona law said you could arrest someone who is illegal if they tried to apply for a job. Why are we arresting hard-working people? Let’s get rid of the deadwood we already have — Rielle Hunter, the Octomom, John Edwards, Jerry Sandusky.”

Conan O’Brien: “The Supreme Court has made a lot of decisions today. The Supreme Court has affirmed that corporations can spend as much money on political campaigns as they want. That’s the ruling, yeah. You don’t like it, but this decision was praised by Senator Chevron P. Mountaindew.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Yesterday in New Hampshire, President Obama said Americans need someone who will wake up every single day and fight for their jobs. Then he said, ‘But until we find that guy, I’m still your best choice.'”

David Letterman: “Mitt Romney says President Obama’s out of touch. And then, after he said that, you know what he did? You know what he did then? I’ll tell you, he went back to eating his money sandwich.”

Jay Leno: “Former President Jimmy Carter has criticized the United States for using drones to kill terrorists. A lot of people agree with Carter. I mean, they’re all terrorists, but I mean, they agree with Carter.”

Jay Leno: “While talking about the economy today, Joe Biden said, ‘It’s a depression for millions and millions of Americans.’ He used the word ‘depression’ to describe the economy. You know, I don’t know if Mitt Romney is going to pick a running mate, or know who he’s picked yet, but Joe Biden sounds like he’d be perfect for Mitt Romney.”

David Letterman: “President Obama had a chili dog to show that he’s a regular guy. So, regular guys will see him eating a chili dog and say, ‘That’s it, he’s got my vote. I seen him eating a chili dog.’ Mitt Romney, now, he wants to prove he’s a regular guy, so same thing. He was someplace and he ordered a bucket of Pheasant McNuggets.”

Jay Leno: “In a landmark decision, the Supreme Court ruled Obama’s healthcare mandate is constitutional after all. … Well, you know, this, of course, this is a major victory for President Obama, who spent three years promoting it, and, of course, a major setback for Mitt Romney, who spent three years creating it.”

Jimmy Fallon: “It was reported that House Minority Leader Nancy Pelosi wore her lucky purple shoes to the Supreme Court’s healthcare ruling while House Speaker John Boehner wore his lucky orange face.”

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Jason Parker