Political Jokes of the Week: Joe Biden’s Malarkey, Poll Numbers, Second Presidential Debate

Late Night Political Humor and JokesLeno, Conan, and Letterman

 

Late Night Political Humor and Jokes

Leno, Conan, and Letterman

Jay Leno: “We also learned a lot about Joe Biden’s policies last night [during vice president debate with Paul Ryan]. As you know, he has come out very, very strongly against malarkey. And believe me; the pro-malarkey people are not happy. Who’s he running with, Calvin Coolidge? Malarkey?”

Jimmy Fallon: “Joe Biden actually interrupted Paul Ryan 82 times during last night’s Vice Presidential Debate. Even the ladies from ‘The View’ were like, ‘Dude, wait your turn.’ That’s right. Biden aggressively contested nearly every claim his opponent made during their debate, and President Obama was like, ‘Wait, you’re allowed to do that? I didn’t know.'”

Craig Ferguson: “It was a big weekend for Felix Baumgartner, the Austrian daredevil who broke the world record for skydiving. He jumped off a balloon 24 miles high. He fell to earth so fast he broke the sound barrier. That’s fast! He fell faster than President Obama’s poll numbers after the debate.”

Conan O’Brien: “Presidential election getting close. I’m glad too, because this election has been going on for I think 44 years now. The Obama campaign is releasing a new ad showing Americans whose financial situation has improved over the past four years. Unfortunately, the only person who appears in the ad is Mitt Romney.”

Conan O’Brien: “Polling across the country shows the presidential race is now neck and neck. Yeah. It’s an even tie between not Barack Obama and not Mitt Romney.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Tonight, the second of three big debates between President Obama and Mitt Romney from Hofstra University in Hempstead, New York, moderated by Candy Crowley from CNN. It aired on every channel. Why should it be on all channels? The Super Bowl is on one channel and we seem to be able to find it.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Tonight’s debate was what they call a town hall format which is where real voters get to ask questions and then the candidates ignore them and just talk about what they wanted in the first place. They found 82 undecided voters to ask the questions. In other words they 82 of the most confused people in the United States to lead this discussion. If at this point you are still undecided, you shouldn’t be allowed to vote for ‘Dancing with the Stars'”

Jon Stewart: “Obviously tonight was the second Presidential Debate — which I totally watched. And it’s not taking place until three hours after we tape the show. I can’t believe Mitt Romney cut off Obama’s hand and then told him he was his father.”

Conan O’Brien: “Last night Mitt Romney said when he was looking to hire a female he would browse through binders full of women. Yeah. Romney said he got the idea from Tom Cruise.”

Conan O’Brien: “One of the voters in the audience last night who says he’s still undecided was an African-American male. There was an awkward moment when President Obama said, ‘bro, seriously?'”

Jimmy Kimmel: “In fact, I think they officially kicked the holiday season off last night with the debate. CNN poll today said that 46% of viewers who watched thought Obama won and 39% thought Mitt Romney won. So, it looks like Obama’s strategy of staying awake through this one paid off.”

Conan O’Brien: “About 17 days. Getting close. Both candidates now working very hard to shore up their support among women. That’s the big thing. In fact today they both pledged to increase domestic production of Ryan Gosling movies.”

Jimmy Kimmel: “Speaking of silly names, Mitt Romney’s oldest son, Tagg, two Gs, there he is, did a radio interview yesterday. The host asked what it was like to sit there while President Obama challenged him the other night and Tagg said he wanted to, quote, ‘take a swing at him.’ Or at least have his butler rush down and take a swing.”

 

Video – Stephen Colbert on Mitt Romney’s busy first day on the job:

 

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Jason Parker