Late Night Political Jokes of the Week 11/12/11 – Cain harassment accusers, Perry on immigration, Top Ten Signs Herman Cain is Losing It

Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman

David Letterman: “Herman was unaware that China is a nuclear power. He didn’t know that China is a nuclear power. Been that way since 1964, had no idea China was a nuclear power. And I said to myself, ‘Hey, Herman, how about making an unwanted advance on a history book?'”
 
Jimmy Fallon: “Here’s some election news, you guys. This week, Mitt Romney’s campaign sent out automated phone calls saying that Rick Perry is too soft on immigration. Yeah. The call was like, ‘For English press one. Para Espanol, go talk to your buddy, Rick Perry if you love him so much.'”

 

David Letterman - Late NiteDavid Letterman:

Top Ten Signs Herman Cain is Losing It:
10. Plans to raise funds by suing himself for sexual harassment
9. Now smokes more than his campaign manager
8. Was recently found hiding in a drain pipe with a golden gun
7. Keeps asking voters if they want to touch his moustache
6. Claims Justin Bieber is his father
5. Campaigning as his hilarious alter ego, Pee-Wee Herman Cain
4. Just paid a visit to Dr. Conrad Murray
3. Spent last of campaign funds betting on the Colts
2. Gave rambling, drunken speech – oh, I’m sorry, that was Rick Perry
1. He’s engaged to Kim Kardashian.”

 

Conan O’Brien: “Herman Cain’s fourth female accuser held a news conference today where she claimed Herman Cain offered her a job in exchange for sexual favors. Now say what you want about the guy. At least he has a plan to put people back to work.”

 

Jimmy Fallon: “Yesterday, Herman Cain gave his first press conference since being accused of sexual harassment. Yep. First Cain took a bunch of questions; then he took bunch of phone numbers. It was weird.”
 
Jimmy Kimmel: “CNBC hosted the event from Oakland University in Rochester, Michigan. They called it ‘Your Money, Your Vote.’ it centered on the economy. The candidates argued about who created the most jobs. Mitt Romney said he created thousands of jobs as Governor of Massachusetts. Rick Perry said he created thousands as Governor of Texas. Herman Cain said he tried to create a number of jobs for women but now he’s getting attacked for it all of a sudden.”
 
David Letterman: “How about that Herman Cain? He’s blaming all his scandals now — and women are one after another, and Herman says, ‘No, none of this is true, and it’s all being fermented by the Democratic machine.’ He said the Democratic machine is causing all his problems, paying women to come out and make these false accusations. The Democratic machine. And I said to myself, ‘Oh, yeah, the well-oiled Democratic machine that lost 80 Congressional seats. That well-oiled Democratic machine. Of course that’s what’s going on.'”

Conan O’Brien – Shocking Herman Cain Interviews & Five New Accusers:

 

The Colbert Report: Indecision 2012 – Sorry, Oops:

The CNBC Republican presidential debate will be forever remembered for one thing and one thing only, but Rick Perry can’t remember what it is.

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Jason Parker