Late Night Political Jokes of the Week – Michigan Primary, Romney Panders, Newt Doesn’t Give Up

Late Night Political Humor and Jokes
Leno, Conan, and Letterman

 

Late Night Political Humor

Leno, Conan, and Letterman

Jimmy Fallon: “It was a tough game for the New York Knicks last night. Jeremy Lin went just one for 11 in their loss to Miami. Yeah, only one success out of 11 attempts. Or, as Newt Gingrich calls that, primary season.”

Jay Leno: “And Rick Santorum has stated that Satan has his sight set on the United States of America. Satan is coming to America. Hey, have you looked around lately? Gas is 5 bucks a gallon. The Kardashians are on TV every hour. Paris Hilton has another album coming out. I think Satan is already here, okay?”

Jay Leno:Mitt Romney seems to be surging a little bit in Michigan right before tomorrow’s primary. He started going back up in the polls right after the debate. You know what that means? Romney could be the alternative to Mitt Romney.”

David Letterman: “And now a guy, a very wealthy guy, a billionaire, a crazy billionaire is going to give Newt Gingrich $100 million. $100 million. And Newt Gingrich, his fire, his flame has all but extinguished. He’s so excited now he’s saying ‘Oh, man, a hundred million, now I can come pretty close to settling up my bill at Tiffany’s.'”

Conan O’Brien:Romney and Santorum are neck and neck in Michigan. Mitt Romney has accused Rick Santorum of saying outrageous things just so Santorum can appeal to his most extreme voters. Santorum denied this and said, ‘That’s exactly the kind of misrepresentation I would expect from gay abortion doctor Mitt Romney.'”

Jimmy Fallon: “Today, Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, ‘I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to.'”

Craig Ferguson: “The Romney campaign says they can’t figure out why the people of Michigan aren’t embracing their native son. Hmmm, let’s see. Could it be this editorial he wrote four years ago? ‘Let Detroit Go Bankrupt’ That’s got to work against you. Whether or not you agree with him, that shows Romney had the vision to put his foot in his mouth years before his competitors. But it’s nothing compared to this piece he wrote last week for the ‘Arizona Republic.’ Look at this. ‘Accept Your New Mexican Overlords.'”

David Letterman:Mitt Romney in his acceptance speech last night, his big winning speech in Michigan was very eloquent. He said, ‘And now it’s on to Super Tuesday.’ And Newt Gingrich who apparently on paper is still in the race — Newt Gingrich in his concession speech said, ‘And now it’s on to ‘Dancing With the Stars.””

Jimmy Fallon: “In yesterday’s Michigan primary, Newt Gingrich actually came in fourth place. Or as the ice cream in his freezer put it, ‘It’s gonna be a long night.'”

David Letterman:Mitt Romney. This guy is on fire. People are suffering from Mitt mania and they just can’t get enough of Mitt. He says he has been hurt by his rich boy image. He said, ‘I have been hurt by my rich boy image.’ And then he put on his top hat and went to the Pelican Club.'”

Conan O’Brien:
Mitt Romney, of course. You know he’s winning these primaries but he’s having a lot of trouble connecting to the common voter, to the common person. Just regular folks. So he’s trying a little too hard. In an interview yesterday, Mitt Romney said that he has worn a garbage bag as rain gear. He said that. He said, ‘I have worn a garbage bag as rain gear.’ He said it’s easy, all he had to do is dump out the hundred dollar bills and throw the bag over his head.”

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Jason Parker