Political Jokes of the Week – Obama Shakes Hands with Cuba, 2013 Budget Deal, and More

Late Night Political Humor and JokesLeno, Conan, and Letterman

 

Now that Obamacare’s Healthcare.gov launch fiasco is old news in our country’s fast moving news-cycles, most late night comedians are moving on. Well, except for Jay Leno, but moving on just isn’t something that he is good at(comedy, being another example). One distraction from Obamacare has been the fact that Congress has actually agreed on a budget, blowing minds everywhere. This has not happened in years. It also looks like the usual obstructionists in the House and Senate will not be blocking this one from going through. Paul Ryan, Ted Cruz, and others have all signaled their reluctant support for the deal. It looks like issues such as immigration reform, and a few others that have been on the back burner, may just see some more attention in 2014. Also, 2014 will be a midterm election year, so things should be interesting in politics all year long.

Also, if you haven’t heard about the fake sign language translator at the Nelson Mandela memorial, you should probably check it out for the “WTF?” effect.

 

Jay Leno, Conan O'Brien, David Letterman

 

Best of late night humor for week ending in 12/14:

 

David Letterman: “Snowstorm all over the eastern two-thirds of the United States. It’s really sad. Because of the snowstorm, nobody can get to the unemployment office.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Vice President Joe Biden was happy to be back in the US on Saturday after spending six days in Japan, China, and South Korea. Of course, no one had the heart to tell him it was only a PF Chang’s.”

Jay Leno: “In a radio interview, Kanye West said he wants to be the Obama of clothing. … And to achieve his goal, he’s designing fashion nobody wants and offering it on a website that doesn’t work.”

Conan O’Brien: “Here’s the real interesting thing that happened at the memorial today. President Obama shook hands with Cuban dictator Raul Castro. … Or as Fox News reported it, ‘Foreign Communist Shakes Hands with the Leader of Cuba.’”

David Letterman: “You see that picture where the President was using an iPhone to take a selfie and it was him and…it was the guy from Great Britain and the woman in charge of Norway or whatever, Denmark, yeah. And I thought it was interesting. He knows how to operate the camera to take a picture, but they can’t figure out how to operate the Obamacare website.”

David Letterman: “Listen to this, ladies and gentlemen. The Republicans and the Democrats have now agreed on a new budget without delay or bickering. … It’s an unusual deal, the new budget deal. They’re going to increase military spending, but they will outlaw any more musicals on NBC.”

Stephen Colbert: “It seems like the bad news about Obamacare keeps pouring in. Seems like every time I turn on the TV I see me screaming about it, and frankly, I can’t blame me. I mean, first the website was broken. Then it was fixed. And now a million people have signed up.”

Jimmy Fallon: “It’s been another tough week for President Obama. … Did you see this? Yesterday at Nelson Mandela’s memorial service, two things. One, is he came under fire when he shook hands with Cuba’s communist leader Raul Castro. People are like, ‘Why would you want to be seen with that guy.’ And then Castro was like, ‘I didn’t, but all of a sudden he was shaking my hand. I didn’t know what to do. What was I going to do, say no? He just came up and I shook his hand.’”

Jimmy Fallon: “But Obama’s also facing criticism after he posed for a selfie right in the middle of Mandela’s memorial service. … There he’s taking the picture of himself with the prime ministers of England and Denmark. You know it’s bad when even Biden was like, ‘Man that was dumb. That was real dumb.”

Jay Leno: [In reference to the sign-language interpreter at Nelson Mandela’s memorial] “You know, for a minute I thought there might have been some kind of security problem. So, let me get this straight. The NSA is listening to our phone calls, but no one is checking up on the violent schizophrenic who is 18 inches from the President of the United States.”

Jay Leno: “Well, in defending the budget deal, Congressman Paul Ryan quoted the Rolling Stones. He said, ‘You can’t always get what you want.’ That’s for the budget deal. When it comes to Congress, here’s a better Stones quote, ‘We can’t get no satisfaction.’ Okay, how about that one?”

Jay Leno: “Well, here’s something interesting. You may have seen this on the Internet. A team of physicists announced that they have evidence that the universe is just an illusion and the whole thing is just a big hologram. See, this is what happens when you legalize marijuana, okay?”

Jay Leno: “Right-wing Texas Congressman, a US Senate candidate, a guy named Steve Stockman, said more people have chlamydia than have signed up for Obamacare. Well, you know something? Whether it’s chlamydia or Obamacare, chances are you got it from a politician.”

Stephen Colbert: “But with this bipartisan budget we’ll have no chance of another government shutdown for two whole years! You fools! We can’t leave our national parks open that long! It will give the wolves time to unionize!”

 

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Jason Parker