Self Deprecate Political Humor

Political Jokes of the Week – Eric Holder’s Fast & Furious, Romney VP Pick, Obama Immigration Policy

 

Leno, Conan, and Letterman

Jimmy Fallon:“In some political news, there’s talks that this October, President Obama will announce his support for legalizing marijuana, which explains why he’s moving his family out of the White House and into a White Castle.”

Jay Leno: “Hey, you hear about this? Republican Senator John McCain and Democrat Harry Reid have called for the Federal government to regulate the sport of boxing. Federal government? How many people have more faith in Don King? Yeah. Yeah, I’ll go with Don King any day.”

Jay Leno: “President Obama spent about four hours on Father’s Day playing golf at the Beverly Country Club in Chicago. It was his 100th round of golf. One hundred rounds since taking office. He’s played more golf than Tiger Woods in the last four years. Well actually, his staff is a little concerned. They’re concerned all this golf is cutting into his fundraising.”

Conan O’Brien: “Mitt Romney ran into protesters over the weekend. Did you hear about this? Yesterday in a Mitt Romney speech in Ohio protesters kept shouting, ‘Romney, go home.’ Luckily for Romney, he owned three homes nearby.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Yesterday, Mitt Romney served pancakes at a special Father’s Day’s breakfast in Ohio. People knew the pancakes were made by Romney because each one was flipped like 100 times.”

Jimmy Fallon: “A new study found out that Republicans are more likely to go to Dunkin’ Donuts while Democrats are more likely to get their breakfast at Starbucks, while Governor Chris Christie takes a bipartisan route and gets a breakfast from each place.”Jay Leno: “And President Obama announced that illegal immigrants who came to this country as children will be able to stay and obtain work permits. He said it’s not a permanent fix. It’s just a temporary stopgap measure to help him get reelected, so it’s not a permanent solution.”

Conan O’Brien: “President Obama has issued an order allowing some illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. Mitt Romney says he is fine with this plan, at least until his landscaping is finished.”

Jay Leno: “And with the presidential debates right around the corner — just a couple of months, they’ll start — John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That’s kind of a stretch. A rich, white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich, white guy from Massachusetts. And how does that make John Kerry feel? ‘Hey, John, we need a guy that’s kind of stiff, out of touch and a flip flopper. You’ll be perfect. Just be yourself. Just be yourself when you get there.'”

Jay Leno: “And President Obama announced that illegal immigrants who came to this country as children will be able to stay and obtain work permits. He said it’s not a permanent fix. It’s just a temporary stopgap measure to help him get reelected, so it’s not a permanent solution.”

Conan O’Brien: “President Obama has issued an order allowing some illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. Mitt Romney says he is fine with this plan, at least until his landscaping is finished.”

Jay Leno: “And with the presidential debates right around the corner — just a couple of months, they’ll start — John Kerry is going to play Mitt Romney to help the President prepare for the debates. That’s kind of a stretch. A rich, white guy from Massachusetts playing a rich, white guy from Massachusetts. And how does that make John Kerry feel? ‘Hey, John, we need a guy that’s kind of stiff, out of touch and a flip flopper. You’ll be perfect. Just be yourself. Just be yourself when you get there.'”

Jon Stewart: “Breaking news concerning the ongoing investigation into the Administration’s ‘Fast and Furious’ program, which from 2009 to 2011 sold American guns to Mexican drug lords. So that the drug lords could shoot people? Or perhaps accidentally themselves? The White House was on a high after ‘Cash for Clunkers’ and this program might have just gotten away from them, I don’t know.”

Jay Leno: “In Chicago, some anti-Mitt Romney protesters told reporters they’re being paid to protest. They said they’re being paid by Democrats to stand outside and chant anti-Romney slogans. Well, who says President Obama isn’t creating any new jobs?”

David Letterman: “Mitt, now everybody goes through this, making his first presidential decision. He’s picking a running mate. Now, when you’re the President the first rule is you don’t want to pick a running mate who is more charismatic than you are. Good luck, Mitt! Atta boy!”

Conan O’Brien: “Hillary Clinton in the news. She apparently has been traveling more than any other Secretary of State. Next week, someone counted up, Hillary Clinton will travel to her 100th country. And [in] each country, upon landing, her first question is, ‘Have you seen my husband?'”

David Letterman: “Top Ten Summer Blockbuster Films About Presidents:

10. ‘Jurassic Polk’

9. ‘Franklin Delano Robocop’

8. ‘Harding and Kumar Go To White Castle’

7. ‘The Trumanator’

6. ‘Prometheus S. Grant’

5. ‘How Bubba Got His Groove Back’

4. ‘Herbert Hoover: Fully Loaded’

3. ‘Buchanan Vs. Predator’

2. ‘James Monroe: Male Gigolo’

1. ‘Dude, Where’s My Birth Certificate?'”

Jay Leno: “Well, the House committee is now recommending that Attorney General Eric Holder be cited for contempt of Congress. Now, don’t confuse that for what you and I have. That’s contempt for Congress. That is a totally different issue.”