Political Jokes of the Week – Top Ten Romney VP Questions, Tax Returns, Jobless Claims

Late Night Political Humor and JokesLeno, Conan, and Letterman

 

Late Night Political Humor and Jokes

Leno, Conan, and Letterman

Jay Leno: “Mitt Romney is going to Israel this Sunday. When asked if he will go to the West Bank, he said, ‘No, I keep my money in the Cayman Islands.'”

Conan O’Brien: “A lot of Americans are upset because it was revealed that the US Olympic team’s outfits were made in China. To protest, many people have taken down their American flags and mailed them back to the flag factory in China.”

Jay Leno: “Well, as you know, the Democrats are calling on Mitt Romney to release all his tax returns. And today Wesley Snipes said, ‘Don’t do it, Mitt! It’s a trap. It’s a trap. Don’t do it!'”

Jimmy Fallon: “During last night’s USA-Brazil basketball game, President Obama gave Michelle a kiss when they were shown on the Kiss Cam. That’s cute. It explains why everyone was, like, ‘Quick, put him on the Fix the Economy Cam!'”

Jay Leno: “And Romney’s surrogate, John Sununu — he’s in hot water for saying that, ‘I wish President Obama would learn how to be an American.’ Well, that’s kind of insulting, isn’t it? Don’t you think? President Obama spends money he doesn’t have. He loves to skip work and play golf. He sneaks away from his wife to eat fatty foods. What is more American than that? Okay, there is nothing more American than that.”

Jay Leno: “And the Obama Administration has reportedly told Syrian rebels they can’t help them until after the election. So at least they’re consistent. That’s the same thing they’re telling us. ‘Can’t help you until after the election. I’m sorry. Can’t do anything for you now.'”

David Letterman: “Top Ten Questions On The Application To Become Mitt Romney’s Running Mate:

10. ‘Bank Account: Swiss or Cayman Islands?’

9. ‘Why would Mitt hire you instead of cheaper, foreign labor?’

8. ‘Ever shot a hunting buddy in the face?’

7. ‘Mind if Mitt’s dog rides in your car?’

6. ‘Are you willing to strongly support both sides of every issue?’

5. ‘What traffic sign best describes the way you make whoopee?’

4. ‘Do you promise not to vote for Obama?’

3. ‘What’s the name of your dancing horse?’

2. ‘Have you ever Anthony’d your Weiner?’

1. ‘Can Mitt borrow your tax returns?'”

Jay Leno: “Well, jobless claims rose again by 35,000 last week. Not good. But it does show that if you’re unsuccessful in this country, you didn’t do it on your own. You had help. Thank you, President Obama. Thank you. You’re not alone. You didn’t do it alone. That’s right.”

Jay Leno: “Four of Mitt Romney’s five sons say that, in the beginning, they were against their father running for President. They were against it but then they changed their minds, proving flip-flopping is hereditary. It’s handed down, father to son.”

Jimmy Fallon: “You guys, here’s some election news. A new poll — CBS poll found that 47% of voters are supporting Mitt Romney, while 46% support Obama. Well, it makes sense, ’cause if Romney wins, it’s definitely going to be thanks to the one percent.”

 

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Jason Parker