Jay Leno: “The GSA, they were partying in Vegas. The Secret Service having sex with prostitutes. Suddenly working for the government is one long episode of ‘The Jersey Shore.'”
Conan O’Brien: “Ann Romney is defending her husband for strapping the family dog to the roof of their station wagon when on a family trip saying the dog loved it. Unfortunately, the dog could not be reached for comment because he ran away to stay with Michael Vick.”
Jay Leno: “Actually, despite Mitt Romney’s 14-point lead nationwide, Rick Santorum is projected to win Louisiana’s primary tomorrow. Even worse for Mitt? Listen to this; the Saints have put a bounty out on him.”
David Letterman: “Rick Santorum said he’s not worried about unemployment. Well, he will be in November.”
Remember kids, if you question a politician about his shady perverted past: You are a racist.