Jimmy Fallon: “It was just announced that President Obama and Paul Ryan will speak at the AARP’s annual meeting next week. Yep, they’re expected to face some tough questions, such as ‘Huh?'”

Jimmy Fallon: “A new poll found that President Obama has a 28-point lead over Mitt Romney in New York, 28 points. You can tell Romney’s trying to narrow that gap because today he was like, [nerdy voice ] ‘I can’t wait to check out the Center Park before riding the underground transportation system!'”

Jay Leno: “Well, according to the Labor Department, unemployment fell from 8.3% to 8.1% last month. But that was because, that’s because 368,000 Americans gave up looking for work. Today, President Obama said that’s a step in the right direction, and he is encouraging more Americans to give up looking for work.”

Jimmy Fallon: “On Saturday. Mitt Romney took some time off from campaigning to watch his grandson’s soccer game. It got awkward when one team pulled their goalie and Romney was like, ‘Look at that, another job lost under President Obama.'”

Jay Leno: “Well, the new fall TV season has started, and I understand Mitt Romney has a new hidden camera show. Yeah, Mitt Romney said the 47% of people who don’t pay taxes are gonna vote for Obama. You know what that means? Mitt Romney is gonna vote for Obama. … If you take the 47% that Mitt Romney says pay no taxes and add that to the people that Obama says clings to their guns and religion, that’s the whole country right there.”

Jay Leno: “Well, you know, it’s odd because all these political strategists have been trying to explain why Mitt Romney can’t seem to get his message out. I’m no strategist, but it’s hard to talk with both a silver spoon and a foot in your mouth. You know, it’s hard. It’s a little awkward. It’s awkward.”

Conan O’Brien: “Big controversy for the Romney campaign. Are you following this today? A secretly recorded tape of a fundraiser has emerged. This is what happened, during a private reception with wealthy donors; Mitt Romney said nearly half of Americans pay no income tax. And then he said, ‘But enough about me.’ It’s true. Another thing he said if he had Mexican parents, he would have a better shot at winning. That’s what he said. But unfortunately, Romney was tragically held back by being born into the home of rich, white people. There’s no getting around that.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Here’s what people are talking about. Yesterday, 132 inmates escaped from a prison in Mexico after digging a 23-foot tunnel. Man, if they dug themselves any deeper, they’d be Mitt Romney.”

Jay Leno: “Well, as part of the strategy for the upcoming presidential debates, the Obama campaign is attempting to lower expectations. And believe me, if there’s one thing President Obama’s been good at lately, it’s lowering expectations.”

Jay Leno: “Well, President Obama’s big problem is still the economy. I tell you the economy is bad. The economy is so bad, in Beverly Hills last night; they had a Boone’s Farm wine tasting party. That’s how bad. The economy is so bad; Mideast protesters are throwing rocks and then asking for them back. The economy is so bad; the only thing keeping Mitt Romney from winning the election is Mitt Romney. That’s how bad the economy is.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Here’s some election news. During a fundraiser with Jay-Z last night, President Obama said that he and the rapper have a lot in common because their wives are more popular than they are. While Jay-Z said they have a lot in common ’cause neither of one of them has a plan to fix the economy.”

Jimmy Fallon: “Here’s some more campaign news. In a new interview, Mitt Romney’s said that ‘Modern Family’ is his favorite TV show. He said he especially loves the two guys raising that little girl while they wait for the perfect wives to come along.”

Jay Leno: “Thank you very much. This has been a rough week for Mitt Romney. Oh, my God. Former Minnesota governor Tim Pawlenty has quit his co-chair of Mitt Romney’s presidential team. He quit. I believe the technical term is abandoning ship. I think that’s the technical term. In fact, today, I saw a guy scraping a Romney bumper sticker off his car. It was Paul Ryan. That’s not good.”

Jay Leno: “All the political pundits have taken Romney to task for saying that his gaffe was not presidential. Vice-presidential, sure. That’s Joe Biden territory right there.”

Jimmy Fallon: “CBS just announced that Mitt Romney and President Obama are both going to appear on ’60 Minutes’ this Sunday in separate interviews. Yeah, Romney’s really excited about this because it will be one of the rare times he actually knows he’s being recorded.”

 

Saturday Night Live on Undecided Voters