Jimmy Fallon: “Here is some election news. Today, Joe Biden launched a new Twitter account to give supporters updates from the campaign trails, like his most recent update, ‘They still won’t let me go on the campaign trail.'”
Jay Leno: “I read today, the earth’s population is now well past seven billion people … seven billion. And still, the Republicans can’t find one candidate they really like.”
Jay Leno: “Actually, despite Mitt Romney’s 14-point lead nationwide, Rick Santorum is projected to win Louisiana’s primary tomorrow. Even worse for Mitt? Listen to this; the Saints have put a bounty out on him.”
David Letterman: “Rick Santorum said he’s not worried about unemployment. Well, he will be in November.”
The genius of Hicks is that he was the “I don’t give a shit” comedian before it was the thing to be.
Jimmy Fallon: “Today, Mitt Romney accused the other GOP candidates of pandering to voters to get support. Romney was like, ‘I would never pander to voters. I mean, unless you guys want me to.'”
Jay Leno: “Let’s see what happened in Washington. The Vice President of China showed up at the White House today. That’s what happens when you get behind on the rent. The landlord shows up, starts looking around.”
David Letterman: “That Mitt Romney, say what you will about the guy, but he’s stiff. And people on the inside tell me that the first thing he’s going to do when he’s elected President, if that happens, he’s going to outlaw casual Friday.”