Jay Leno: “Actually, despite Mitt Romney’s 14-point lead nationwide, Rick Santorum is projected to win Louisiana’s primary tomorrow. Even worse for Mitt? Listen to this; the Saints have put a bounty out on him.”
David Letterman: “Rick Santorum said he’s not worried about unemployment. Well, he will be in November.”
Jay Leno: “Rick Santorum said today that during his 16 years in Congress, he was an outsider the whole time. You know what? After 16 years, you’re not an outsider, okay? You’re just unpopular.”
Jay Leno: “Let’s see what happened in Washington. The Vice President of China showed up at the White House today. That’s what happens when you get behind on the rent. The landlord shows up, starts looking around.”
David Letterman: “That Mitt Romney, say what you will about the guy, but he’s stiff. And people on the inside tell me that the first thing he’s going to do when he’s elected President, if that happens, he’s going to outlaw casual Friday.”
Conan O’Brien: “After losing in Florida, Newt Gingrich is campaigning hard in Las Vegas. Gingrich says he loves Las Vegas because it has two of his favorite things, buffets and wedding chapels”
Jimmy Fallon: “Hey, you guys know there was another Republican debate on Saturday, and listen to this. Ron Paul only got 89 seconds to speak. Seriously? Rick Perry gets more time than that to try to remember something.”
Jimmy Fallon’s house band, The Roots, are known for picking interesting songs to introduce guests. For Michelle Bachmann, only Fishbone’s Lyin Ass Bitch would do.